… the will to live and fighting spirit is
the most important thing for a person to have when in danger. Skills are
important, but will is the fuel for
protecting yourself, with or without formal training’ – Ellen Snortland, author
of Beauty Bites Beasts, Awakening the Warrior Within Women and Girls
Dear Diary, when I was 11 years old our houseboy tried to assault me. I
had returned from school and was playing with the water stored in the drums at
our backyard. Can’t remember how I came to be by myself playing behind the
bungalow we lived in at that time. Kennedy, our help had just finished fetching
the water and I was being naughty that day, fooling around with the water in
the drums. I remember him being very angry with me, warning me to stop messing
with the water. I didn’t like the guy. Don’t remember why now. Anyway, i just
ignored him and carried on with my play. Next thing, Kennedy pounced on me; he
came from behind me and grabbed me by the waist, lifted me up and carried me to
the adjunct building – the boys’ quarters.
I remember trying to struggle out of his hold to no avail. Kennedy dragged
me to his door (he lived in the BQ) keeping a tight hold on my waist with his
left arm, and tried to open the door with his right hand. He got me into his
room and kicked the door close with his foot. I thought I was getting punished
for my disobedience but next thing his hands were under my skirt, trying to
pull down my panties. I was alarmed and began to shout, he clamped his hand
over my mouth, furiously whispering into my ear to be quiet.
Now I was a wild child the only girl child growing up among five boys,
my siblings and I always got into physical fights, played rough, and got into scrapes
regularly; we also had plenty injuries to show for our efforts. So Diary, i
reacted to this scuffle as I would do with my brothers. When he put his hand
over my mouth, I opened my mouth wider and bit down hard on his palm. Back then
I was a biter, I had big teeth and I used them in fights. My brothers were
biters too. Still have my younger brother’s teeth marks on the back of my hand.
So when I bit him on his hand, he screamed and let me go clutching his injured
hand. I pulled the door open and darted out.
Looking back, I know I was lucky that I had not been violated that day. Perhaps
the young man underestimated the little girl; perhaps his rape plan was
spontaneous not fully thought out. But I know it could have all gone wrong, I
could have been easily molested sexually.
A lot of people are vulnerable to this crime, even much younger children
and adult women/men. So here is a sort of to-do list on the best ways to
avoid and escape rape. See below:
Safety First
To- Do List
1. Be perceptive
Be aware. Be alert. Pay attention to those negative, weird, uneasy vibes
you are getting off this guy or the current situation. Trust your feelings. If
you are not really feeling safe or comfortable then it’s a great signal that you
need to get away quickly.
2. Avoid Isolation
When you
have doubts about being with someone, STAY
IN PUBLIC. Don’t Go Off strolling
alone with him/her. That also goes for being the only girl among 2, 3 or 4
guys in a room. You will be easily overpowered. Remember there is safety in
numbers. Don’t be isolated. Please turn down the free lifts and gifts. There is always a string attached. Awoof fit purge o!
3. Do NOT Incapacitate
Yourself
Don’t get drunk and make it easier for your attacker to assault you. You
will blame yourself.
4.
Fight back - like a
mad dog
Chances are he isn’t expecting you to fight back so
viciously. Some statistics confirm that when a woman ferociously fights back,
their attackers flee or change their minds.
Don’t be afraid. Use anything and everything around you
to defend yourself. Don’t cry and beg your attacker. This is no time to be a
lady and hope he will pity you and change his mind. Mtchewwwwww... ‘How dare he’!
Use your rage on him. Fight, bite, kick… His intention is to hurt you, so Hurt Him Too. Yes, he will hit you. HIT
HIM BACK with all you’ve got. Make it extremely difficult for him to have his
way. Scream and keep screaming while you are at it o.
5. Do NOT Use
Ineffective Violence
If it’s
possible to avoid hitting then do so, if not NEVER HIT SOFT. If you must use
force to stop a rape, BREAK HIS JAW OR HIS BALLS.
Many women
fail to achieve this goal. When being harassed by a male, they often retaliate
by striking, not only first, but ineffectively.
6.
Target the vulnerable areas
Yes, you
can fight back but don’t fight ineffectively.
It will only make your attacker angry and more violent. So strategically target
his vulnerable body parts. The goal is to incapacitate him momentarily, so you
can escape.
- The Eyes (use your nails – dig in). Grab a
finger and break it.
- Groin (Yes, sister, hit him there. Go for his JT
(his John-Thomas) Hit him very hard. He will curse and cry like a baby. Make
sure it hurts)
- Ears (clap your hands hard over his ears), Toes
(use your fancy heels), Jaw (give
him an uppercut). Head-butt him and break his Nose.
Take
a self -defense class. It will save you.
Teens
and women should learn basic self-defense moves.
The
other day at the gym, I visited the karate class and the instructor tried to
teach me how to break a gripping/choke hold, parrying an attack from behind and
escaping.
I
learned that it’s easy to break almost any kind of hold if you know how to,
otherwise you will keep struggling until your attacker overpowers you.
Encourage
young females and males to learn martial arts. No one can mess with them if
they do. Enroll your child in a karate class. Let them empower themselves and
be able to defend themselves whenever they need to.
7.
Use the weakling
strategy
So if you
know screaming won’t help and you are scared of fighting, feign capitulation. ‘Please
don’t hurt me.’ Tell him you don’t want any trouble and will comply. Play along
until he lets his defenses down then you can strike. Strike and strike through.
Then escape.
8.
Lie through your
teeth
Who says
you can’t lie your way out when confronted with a pending sexual assault.
I
remember that randy lecturer of mine who locked me up in his office intending
to have his way with me. Omo, I lied my way out of the sticky situation. Calmly,
I explained to my dear lecturer that I liked him a lot but was afraid of my crazy cultist boyfriend
and he would be very angry if we did anything. The idiot opened the door immediately after I finished my tale.
Don’t be ashamed to take this strategy. If this doesn’t work use another tactic. What matters is that you don’t get raped,
not how you prevented it. Remember, deception that is simple and believable
is effective. For example, Instead of saying ‘I have my period’, you say, ‘I
need to pee’ or threaten to pee on him if he refuses. The goal here is to get out of his immediate
reach and regroup.
9. Your Goal Is NOT to
Fight, It Is To Escape
·
You
are not there to teach him a lesson for molesting you
·
You
are not there to punish him for disrespecting you
·
You
are not there to lecture him AFTER you've beat him up.
Your
number 1 priority is getting out of the situation, every other thing
is secondary.
10.
ESCAPE!!!
Whether
you are momentarily fighting back or playing the weakling. The ultimate goal is
to distract the attacker long enough to make a run. ESCAPE. Naturally, women
are not as strong as our men. There is a great possibility that we will lose
any physical combat with a man. So whatever you do, find the nearest means of
escape and RUN AWAY. Don’t forget to scream for help as you run.
Watch
word
- You
do not have to be at your attacker’s mercy
- Above all, the fear of the assault can
paralyze all your fighting spirit and leave you a helpless duck. It helps when
you are conscious of your surrounding and are on your guard all the time.
- RUN and SCREAM. Always look for the nearest
exit and scream for help. Your aim is to escape before things get volatile. Run
towards safety. Don’t try to handle it all by yourself.
- Always be wise about the company you keep
and where you go. Avoid dangerous spots. Please remember that rape needs
isolation.
- Take charge of your personal safety: Be watchful
at all times. Don’t get carried away with who you are with or where you are.
- Your drinks can be spiked: So all that
self-defense skills become useless. Watch your drinks like a hawk. Pour your
drinks yourself. If it’s already open then don’t be the first to take a sip.
- Always be careful: Even well- known and
trusted friends can suddenly become your attacker; family members too,
unfortunately.
- Please trust your
feelings: Don’t ignore the danger signs. If you feel something is not right,
it’s time to get out. Never be too shy to speak up if you are not
comfortable with the situation or leave if uncomfortable with the environment.
Don’t ignore, dismiss or negate that uneasy feeling you are getting.
- Try not to be too secretive, it just might
save you if you tell where you are and where you are going and who you are
with.
- Call and report where you are and who you
are with. Allow loved ones to keep tabs on you and let your companion hear this
report.
Be Safe.
-BELINZE
