How I Defeated the Rapist

… the will to live and fighting spirit is the most important thing for a person to have when in danger. Skills are important, but will is the fuel for protecting yourself, with or without formal training’ – Ellen Snortland, author of Beauty Bites Beasts, Awakening the Warrior Within Women and Girls

Dear Diary, when I was 11 years old our houseboy tried to assault me. I had returned from school and was playing with the water stored in the drums at our backyard. Can’t remember how I came to be by myself playing behind the bungalow we lived in at that time. Kennedy, our help had just finished fetching the water and I was being naughty that day, fooling around with the water in the drums. I remember him being very angry with me, warning me to stop messing with the water. I didn’t like the guy. Don’t remember why now. Anyway, i just ignored him and carried on with my play. Next thing, Kennedy pounced on me; he came from behind me and grabbed me by the waist, lifted me up and carried me to the adjunct building – the boys’ quarters.

 

I remember trying to struggle out of his hold to no avail. Kennedy dragged me to his door (he lived in the BQ) keeping a tight hold on my waist with his left arm, and tried to open the door with his right hand. He got me into his room and kicked the door close with his foot. I thought I was getting punished for my disobedience but next thing his hands were under my skirt, trying to pull down my panties. I was alarmed and began to shout, he clamped his hand over my mouth, furiously whispering into my ear to be quiet.

Now I was a wild child the only girl child growing up among five boys, my siblings and I always got into physical fights, played rough, and got into scrapes regularly; we also had plenty injuries to show for our efforts. So Diary, i reacted to this scuffle as I would do with my brothers. When he put his hand over my mouth, I opened my mouth wider and bit down hard on his palm. Back then I was a biter, I had big teeth and I used them in fights. My brothers were biters too. Still have my younger brother’s teeth marks on the back of my hand. So when I bit him on his hand, he screamed and let me go clutching his injured hand. I pulled the door open and darted out. 

Looking back, I know I was lucky that I had not been violated that day. Perhaps the young man underestimated the little girl; perhaps his rape plan was spontaneous not fully thought out. But I know it could have all gone wrong, I could have been easily molested sexually.

 

A lot of people are vulnerable to this crime, even much younger children and adult women/men. So here is a sort of to-do list on the best ways to avoid and escape rape. See below:

Safety First

To- Do List

1.    Be perceptive

Be aware. Be alert. Pay attention to those negative, weird, uneasy vibes you are getting off this guy or the current situation. Trust your feelings. If you are not really feeling safe or comfortable then it’s a great signal that you need to get away quickly. 

2.    Avoid Isolation

When you have doubts about being with someone, STAY IN PUBLIC.      Don’t Go Off strolling alone with him/her. That also goes for being the only girl among 2, 3 or 4 guys in a room. You will be easily overpowered. Remember there is safety in numbers. Don’t be isolated. Please turn down the free lifts and gifts. There is always a string attached. Awoof fit purge o! 

3.    Do NOT Incapacitate Yourself

Don’t get drunk and make it easier for your attacker to assault you. You will blame yourself.

4.    Fight back - like a mad dog

Chances are he isn’t expecting you to fight back so viciously. Some statistics confirm that when a woman ferociously fights back, their attackers flee or change their minds.

Don’t be afraid. Use anything and everything around you to defend yourself. Don’t cry and beg your attacker. This is no time to be a lady and hope he will pity you and change his mind. Mtchewwwwww... ‘How dare he’! Use your rage on him. Fight, bite, kick… His intention is to hurt you, so Hurt Him Too. Yes, he will hit you. HIT HIM BACK with all you’ve got. Make it extremely difficult for him to have his way. Scream and keep screaming while you are at it o. 

5.    Do NOT Use Ineffective Violence

If it’s possible to avoid hitting then do so, if not NEVER HIT SOFT. If you must use force to stop a rape, BREAK HIS JAW OR HIS BALLS.
Many women fail to achieve this goal. When being harassed by a male, they often retaliate by striking, not only first, but ineffectively. 

6. Target the vulnerable areas

Yes, you can fight back but don’t fight ineffectively. It will only make your attacker angry and more violent. So strategically target his vulnerable body parts. The goal is to incapacitate him momentarily, so you can escape.

• The Eyes (use your nails – dig in). Grab a finger and break it. 

• Groin (Yes, sister, hit him there. Go for his JT (his John-Thomas) Hit him very hard. He will curse and cry like a baby. Make sure it hurts)

• Ears (clap your hands hard over his ears), Toes (use your fancy heels), Jaw (give him an uppercut). Head-butt him and break his Nose.

• Learn self-defense moves

Take a self -defense class. It will save you.

Teens and women should learn basic self-defense moves.

The other day at the gym, I visited the karate class and the instructor tried to teach me how to break a gripping/choke hold, parrying an attack from behind and escaping.

I learned that it’s easy to break almost any kind of hold if you know how to, otherwise you will keep struggling until your attacker overpowers you.

Encourage young females and males to learn martial arts. No one can mess with them if they do. Enroll your child in a karate class. Let them empower themselves and be able to defend themselves whenever they need to.

7.    Use the weakling strategy

So if you know screaming won’t help and you are scared of fighting, feign capitulation. ‘Please don’t hurt me.’ Tell him you don’t want any trouble and will comply. Play along until he lets his defenses down then you can strike. Strike and strike through. Then escape.

8.    Lie through your teeth

Who says you can’t lie your way out when confronted with a pending sexual assault. 
I remember that randy lecturer of mine who locked me up in his office intending to have his way with me. Omo, I lied my way out of the sticky situation. Calmly, I explained to my dear lecturer that I liked him a lot but was afraid of my crazy cultist boyfriend and he would be very angry if we did anything. The idiot opened the door immediately after I finished my tale. Don’t be ashamed to take this strategy. If this doesn’t work use another tactic. What matters is that you don’t get raped, not how you prevented it. Remember, deception that is simple and believable is effective. For example, Instead of saying ‘I have my period’, you say, ‘I need to pee’ or threaten to pee on him if he refuses.  The goal here is to get out of his immediate reach and regroup.

9.    Your Goal Is NOT to Fight, It Is To Escape

·         You are not there to teach him a lesson for molesting you

·         You are not there to punish him for disrespecting you

·         You are not there to lecture him AFTER you've beat him up.

Your number 1 priority is getting out of the situation, every other thing is secondary.
 

10. ESCAPE!!!

Whether you are momentarily fighting back or playing the weakling. The ultimate goal is to distract the attacker long enough to make a run. ESCAPE. Naturally, women are not as strong as our men. There is a great possibility that we will lose any physical combat with a man. So whatever you do, find the nearest means of escape and RUN AWAY. Don’t forget to scream for help as you run. 

Watch word

• You do not have to be at your attacker’s mercy

• Above all, the fear of the assault can paralyze all your fighting spirit and leave you a helpless duck. It helps when you are conscious of your surrounding and are on your guard all the time.

• RUN and SCREAM. Always look for the nearest exit and scream for help. Your aim is to escape before things get volatile. Run towards safety. Don’t try to handle it all by yourself.

• Always be wise about the company you keep and where you go. Avoid dangerous spots. Please remember that rape needs isolation.

• Take charge of your personal safety: Be watchful at all times. Don’t get carried away with who you are with or where you are.

• Your drinks can be spiked: So all that self-defense skills become useless. Watch your drinks like a hawk. Pour your drinks yourself. If it’s already open then don’t be the first to take a sip.

• Always be careful: Even well- known and trusted friends can suddenly become your attacker; family members too, unfortunately.

•  Please trust your feelings: Don’t ignore the danger signs. If you feel something is not right, it’s time to get out. Never be too shy to speak up if you are not comfortable with the situation or leave if uncomfortable with the environment. Don’t ignore, dismiss or negate that uneasy feeling you are getting.

• Try not to be too secretive, it just might save you if you tell where you are and where you are going and who you are with.

• Call and report where you are and who you are with. Allow loved ones to keep tabs on you and let your companion hear this report.

     Be Safe.

   -BELINZE